So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
Randomize
