Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
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