THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
Randomize
