I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
is it fun? or sober?
Randomize
