my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
Randomize
