his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
