You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
I DEMAND FORESKIN
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Randomize
