Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
Randomize
