I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Randomize
