The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
Randomize
