Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
there is another microwave in the elevator.
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