you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Randomize
