considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
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