TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
