Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
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