So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
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