I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
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