If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
is wine microwaveable?
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
Randomize
