How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
Randomize
