When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
did i just pee glitter
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
Randomize
