best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
Randomize
