Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
