i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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