I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
Randomize
