So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
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