Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize
