I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
Randomize
