I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Randomize
