Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
