Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
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