Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
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