i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
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