i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize
