if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
Semen is not good for contacts.
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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