just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
Randomize
