Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
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