At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
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