If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
