just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
I would fuck him just for his dog
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
Randomize
