She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
Randomize
