It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
It's shark week go big or go home
How drunk are you?
Completed.
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
Randomize