omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
Sorry about my life...
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
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