What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Randomize
