So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
Randomize
