I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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