tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
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