so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
I wear drunk well.
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
Randomize
