note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
Randomize
