I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
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