Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
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